Planning to Lose

The Diet continues.  As mentioned in my Facebook page, I'm down 17 pounds from the beginning of the year (with a few side effects--the benefits of a more vegetable-based diet).  That's the easy weight, however.  The real challenge begins now.

This is good.  I'm establishing the habits of awareness and am far more cogniscent of what I put into my body.  I've always taken pride in cooking from scratch and using whole foods as much as possible, but now I also look at quantity and diversity of what I eat.  Whereas, in my previous diet, I would eat all of the whole grains (quality carbs) and proteins (primarily lean meats) I wanted, now I eat a tremendous quantity of leafy greens.  Kale is my new BFF.  Lentils, other legumes and beans provide complex carbs, proteins and iron.

My plate and my biological functions have become more colorful.

Now I'm adding exercise.  Like budgeting for money or calories, budgeting time is also a challenge.  The question of how to spend a limited resource forces one to cut back in some areas to make room for something new.  Unlike money or calories, however, additional time cannot be created.  (You can take on another job or work extra hours for more money.  Exercising burns calories that are then available for extra gluttony.)  The time budget is therefore essential.

One thought: multitasking.  I am essentially a lazy person who loves his leisure time.  I'm not a huge TV watcher, but I love movies.  I can easily combine many calesthetics and simple weight training with movie watching time.  I am walking my dog a little more than 3 miles during lunch. (Added bonus: I eat less during lunch and have smaller healthy snacks throughout the day.)

Overall, however, I think I will have to make some time for concentrated, focused exercise.  30 minutes a day?  45 minutes?  I'm not sure yet.  I'll keep you posted.

For snacks, try these nutritional delights:

Baked Kale Chips
This is an adaptation of a recipe suggested to me by a very good friend.  Thank you SO MUCH.  I love this. 
zest and juice of one Lime
Salt (I prefer Table Salt, here)
2 tablespoons Olive Oil
1 bunch of Kale

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Line a cookie with parchment paper.

Seperate the leaves from the coarse and fiberous, stem-like midrib.  Tear the leaves into bite-sized pieces.  Wash and use a salad spinner to dry.  Toss with olive oil (a little goes a long way--2 tablespoons works well), zest and sqeeze of 1/2 of a lime (a whole lime maybe needed if it's not very juicy).

Lay the leaves out flat on the cookie sheet.  Be sure they don't overlap much.  Sprinkle lightly with salt.

Bake for 10-13 minutes, or until dried and crispy.

These will keep in a well sealed container in a cool location for up to a week.  You'll eat them in an afteroon.


Granola Bars
These are delicious, easy and cheap.  You can vary the ingredients to your heart's desire. 
3 cups Rolled Oats
1/2 cup Sliced Almonds
1/2 cup Raisins
1/2 cup Dried Apples, diced
1/2 cup Dried Banana Chips, crumbled
1/2 cup Sunflower Seeds
1/2 cup Wheat Germ
1 cup Honey
1/2 cup Brown Sugar
1 teaspoon Salt
3 tablespoons Unsalted Butter, Margarine or Vegetable Oil (or a combination)
2 teaspoons Vanilla Extract

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Spread the oats, almonds, sunflower seeds and wheat germ evenly on a cookie sheet.  Bake for 15-20 minutes until arromatic and toasted.  (Stir occassionally to keep from burning.)

While the dry ingredients are toasting, heat the butter, salt, honey and brown sugar on medium high heat until it starts to bubble.  Then reduce the heat to a simmer.  Again, stir.  This time constantly until the brown sugar is completely melted.  Remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla.

Spray a 9x13 baking pan with cooking spray.  Reduce the oven temperature to 300 degrees.

In a large bowl, combine wet ingredients into the dry ingredients.  Stir until well combined.  Pour the mix out into the baking pan.  Using the back of wooden spoon or a heavy flat spatula, press the mixture as flat in the pan as possible.  It needs to be densly packed to hold together.

Bake for 25 minutes.  Remove from the oven and let cool for 15 minutes.  Cut into sections (I got 15 pieces).  Let cool some more, then remove from the pan, separate the pieces from each other and place on waxed paper.  After an hour or so, wrap in waxed paper for individual treats and place in a cool dry place for up to a week.

They make a great breakfast treat or quick snack.


Fruit and Nut Pizza
I tend to have pizza dough on hand. It keeps in the refridgerator for a while, but it tends to ferment--like sourdough.  Use what you need and keep the rest for later.  Just let it come (mostly) to room temperature before using it. 
Pizza Dough
4 1/4 cups Bread Flour, plus extra for kneading
1 teaspoon Salt
2 packages Yeast
2 tablespoons Brown Sugar
1 1/2 cups Warm Water (think bath temperature)
1/4 cup Olive Oil

Filling
1 tablespoon Raisins
1 tablespoon Sunflower Seeds
2 teaspoons Wheat Germ
1 teaspoon Kasha (roasted and cracked buckwheat)

Toppings
Honey
Cinnamon and Sugar
sliced Apple (Granny Smith)
sliced Banana
sliced Almonds

To make the dough: stir the yeast and brown sugar into the water until disolved.  Let it foam up (about 10 minutes).  Combine the flour and salt in a stand mixer with a dough hook.  Start on the lowest speed and pour in the wet ingredients.  Mix until it comes together in a ball.  Turn out onto a floured counter and knead.  Place in a warm, still location and let rise for an hour (or until doubled in volume).  Punch down.

(If you've been refridgerating the dough, let the dough warm up and start from here.)

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Tear off a hunk of dough about the size of the palm of your hand. That's good for 1 person.  Flour the counter top and spread the dough out from the center until it's rather flat.  Sprinkle the fillings into the center and knead.  The fillings will fall out and push through.  It's ok.  Keep kneading and incorporating what falls out.  Using a rolling pin, roll the dough out turning and flipping to try and keep a round shape.  Transfer to a dusted silicone cutting mat.  Dock the dough (poking it all over with a fork) to keep it from poofing up too much.

Sprinkle liberally with cinnamon and sugar.  Arange the apple, banana and almonds.  Drizzle with a little honey and sprinkle with a little more cinnamon and sugar.

I use a pizza stone, but if don't have one, use a cookie sheet.  Transfer the pizza to either the stone or the cookie sheet and bake for 12-15 minutes. 

Are You Ready for Some Over-Eating?

It's that time again.  Two teams take the field.  One will emerge the victor; the other....

Honestly, I'm indifferent to the teams involved, but the ritual is wonderful.  People all over the country get together and enjoy the most glorious exhibition of television advertising and gastronomic over-indulgence.  This is the most American of all celebrations!  That is the part I love.

I've recounted the legend of our previous game day adventures to a land so distant (we have to drive for more than an hour, so that makes it distant in Colorado) and a home so wonderful (it truly is a lovely home with beautiful hosts) and all of the bounty laid before us (e.g., lobster, crab legs, mannicotti, key lime pies, flowing beverages, and dozens of snacks) that a Roman Saturnalia would pale in comparrison!  I am certain this year will be no exception, I will offer a recap soon.

(For those of you concerned about my diet, I enter into today guilt-free.  I will try not to over indugle, but rather I will enjoy to my heart's contentment.  Then I will return happily to my life of watched calories and extra exercise.  Besides, I am still a glutton at heart.)

I also accept this day and this party as a challenge.  I like to push the boundaries of what I've done before and create something bold.  To that end, I present to you:

Mac and Cheese Bites
3/4 cup shredded Gouda
3/4 cup shredded Sharp White Cheddar
3/4 cup shredded Fontina
1 14oz bottle of Guinness (less a sip)
1 cup Milk
1/4 cup Butter
1/2 teaspoon Salt
4 tablespoons Flour
8 pieces of Bacon, cooked and crumbled
12 oz of Shell Macaroni, cooked and drained
many Won Ton Wrappers
Canola Oil for frying
Egg wash

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Melt the butter in a sauce pan.  Over a low heat, stir in the flour and salt to make a roux--a thick paste.  Stir in the Guinness and the milk.  Stir in the cheese, a 1/2 of a cup at a time, allowing it to melt completely before adding the next next 1/2 cup.  The sauce will continue to thicken.

Stir in the bacon bits and the macaroni.

Pour the mac and cheese into a casserole dish and bake for 30 minutes.  Allow the casserole to cool completely.

Heat oil to 375 degrees in a large Dutch oven or fryer.

This next part is best when you do it with a friend.  Taking 1 spoonful at a time, center on a won ton skin.  Brush the edges with an egg wash and seal.

Place no more than 4 or 5 won tons in at a time or the oil will cool too much and the food become greasy.  Cook until golden brown on all sides.  Let drain on an elevated rack.

To rewarm, place in a 250 degree oven for 15 minutes.

This recipe makes a somewhat bitter mac and cheese.  You can change the cheeses to something sweeter, or you can compliment with great sauces.  I am going to serve warm with dipping sauces.

Reflections and Diminishing Returns

I was on the radio this past Friday.  It's always funny to hear how I sound when I hear my voice played back to me.  I get very self-conscious.  I can hardly sit still.  So while I was listening to the broadcast, my mind started to wander and I got to thinking about how we (people) view ourselves.  What creature of even moderate intelligence isn't fascinated by its own reflection?  Humans, even more so.

I considered what has shaped my opinion of my self.  Every story that I have created of every event of my life, however important or trivial has lead to the person I am today.  Every choice I have ever made leads me to where I am now.  Mom and Dad, my brothers, my wife, every girlfriend I've ever had, peer pressure from friends and frenemies, every mistake and every success are filtered, magnified, diminished, remembered and manipulated by my mind to create this persona.  I'm amazed at my own success of who I am, because of and in spite of, my own mind.

Pretty heavy so far?  You're doing this, too.

So I guess what this really means is that I, and I'll include you in this, too, so I'll say "we," are still making choices today that will lead to choices we get to make tomorrow.  I pretty much like me, but there is one thing that has been looming over my head: my health and physique.  I want to trim down a little.  Therefore, I am endeavouring to make slightly better choices today: I'm going on a "diet."

This is me. 
This is what I look like.

I announced this to a few people and everyone has asked, "why?"  You all flatter me.  Remember in my last blog post how I said I want to be able to do pull-ups again?  A lighter me will help with that.  Also, I have clothes I like that I would wear if I could breathe while wearing them.  But mostly, I am convinced that WiiFit is making fun of me.  My on-screen avatar (my Mii) is shaped like a watermelon.  Curse you, Wii!  Who knew that the manufacturers of the WiiFit program can do what doctors could not--elicit change--just by making my cartoon body as wide as my cartoon head.  I want a cartoon head that is twice as big as my body!

How to create a successful diet, though?  I've written before on why diets fail, and came to the short conclusion that the foods we have grown accustomed to eating have programmed our bodies and minds to crave those foods.  Naturally, reprogramming my mind will overcome those cravings and I will be wildly successful.  HA!  If only it were so easy.

With the help of a friend, I found an iPhone app that allows me to track every bite I put into my fat yapper.  It calculates my goals and sets my daily calorie limits.  My limit is 1497 calories per day.  This means that I SHOULD lose 1.5 pounds per week and in 20 weeks (or near my birthday) I should be at my target weight.  (I'll let you do the math.  Yes.  I'm overweight. We wouldn't be having this conversation if I were already at my ideal weight.)  One week down and tracking what I am putting into my body and the calories I expend in exercise, I have gained 1 pound.  Cousin Boinker!!  (I'm also trying to swear less. I'm trying different not-quite-swear combinations that will let me think about what I'm saying and maybe laugh at myself instead of get angry.  It's still meeting with mixed success.)

I won't abandon this goal and program, however.  At least not yet.  I'll stay under my calorie count and will try to keep my activity level up.  I will keep you posted every now and then to let you know my progress.  Anyone who wants to join me can by going to MyFitnessPal.com or loading MyFitnessPal on their app-enabled device.  And, of course I will provide some good recipes to help us along this path.

For dinner tonight, try this low fat, low calorie dinner:

Poached Shrimp With Ginger and Bamboo Shoots
16 large Shrimp (22-26 count), in shell, headless and de-veined
1/2 teaspoon Red Curry Paste
1/4 cup dry White Wine
1/2 cup Water
1 Bay Leaf
8 Allspice Berries
10-12 whole Black Peppercorns
1 small Shallot, minced
1 large clove Garlic, minced
1 tablespoon fresh grated Ginger
pinch of Salt
2 tablespoons Rice Wine Vinegar
1 10oz can of sliced Bamboo Shoots, drained

In a 10" skillet, heat the curry paste, water and wine to a slow boil, stirring until the paste dissolves.  Add in the shrimp, bay leaf, allspice, peppercorns, shallot, garlic ginger and salt.  Stir once and cover.  Reduce the heat to a simmer and cook until the shrimp are pink.  (Flip the shrimp midway through to cook evenly.)

Remove the allspice and peppercorns (as best as you can).

Add the vinegar and bamboo shoots.  Return to a simmer. 
Serves 2; about 120 calories per person.

Honestly, This Isn't a Midlife Crisis

I wrote my "bucket list" when I was 15, but the movie hadn't been made yet, so I called it my "list of things to do before I die."  Some things I wanted at 15, I don't want anymore.  I don't want to be a famous actor in the movies: I really don't like people enough to appreciate all the fans I would have.  I also don't want my own island: No one needs their own island and although I don't like the crush of humanity every day, I would get lonely.  Some things on the list I probably won't ever accomplish because technology and my own motivation won't allow for it.  For example, I probably won't be walking on the moon.  And some of those joys on the list I accomplished quickly, some took a little longer, and some are still going to come true.  I eat fire.  I learned Spanish, French and Chinese languages (although I'm very rusty in speaking any of them now).  I am a chef--at least in my own way. 

I have realized recently, however, that I have many more things in my life to do.  Therefore, I have started a new list:

MY NEW LIST OF SOMEDAY AWESOME ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Travel is on the list.  I want to visit each continent, and except for Antarctica, I want to meet the local folk in the smaller towns.  I want to taste their cuisine and know the regional comfort foods.  (In Antarctica, I want to see the Emperor Penguin from a safe enough distance to not disturb Morgan Freeman.) 

I want to be able to do chin-ups again.  Without assistance.

I'm learning to pick locks.  Since I regularly lock myself out of things with locks, this should be immensely useful to me. 

I've become an ordained minister so I think it would be grand to perform a wedding ceremony.  And maybe a funeral.  Or an exorcism. 

I will have a secret identity and post Urban Exploration adventures under that alias. 

I will accept more dares, but only if there is a greater chance of the dare resulting in fun for me rather than tragedy.  Unless the tragedy also is likely to be fun, then it's Game On!

I will have my own television show.  (Crap.  Now I have to get prepared to have hoards of fans, again.)

If I ever give up being a financial advisor, I will be a butcher.  Or a bounty hunter.  (Picking locks and speaking foreign languages should come in handy.)  (Wait.  I meant, "Probably handier for bounty hunting."  I don't know if animals speak Spanish, French or Chinese.  And since most of them don't have opposable thumbs, I don't think they are negotiating keys too well.)

I want a pencil thin moustache.

I still want to go to outer space.  Richard Branson should be able to help me out. 

And I think I need to be less bashful when it comes to trying new foods.  I really need to get out of my rut.

With that in mind,  here's a fun little recipe.

Poached Baby Octopus for Dessert
1 1/2 cups Port
1/4 cup Sugar
12 Baby Octopus (5" tentacle diameter)
Sugar and Cinnamon mixture (2:1 ratio Sugar to Cinnamon, shaken together in a jar)

If they aren't already, have your local fish monger clean the octopus and remove the beaks.  Rinse them thoroughly.  Heat a large pot of water (6 quarts) to boiling.  Add the octopus and let simmer for 10 minutes.  Drain and put the octopus into an ice water bath to stop them from cooking.  

When the octopus have chilled, rub them gently under running water to remove the outer skins.  Don't worry if you can't get all the skin off--just get most of it. 
In an electric skillet (so much easier to control the temperature), heat the port and sugar until it boils and the sugar dissolves.  Reduce to a simmer and add the octopus.  Cover and simmer on the lowest setting for 2-3 hours, turning them over every now and then to cover all sides evenly.  Yes, they turn slightly rubbery, but that is what octopus is made of: God's old inner tubes.  And yes, the port turns the octopus purple, but that's a natural color for them.  The flavor changes to something wonderful, however.  Magical, even. 

When you are getting close to eating, remove them from the port and let drain.  Place them in a large bowl and sprinkle the octopus with cinnamon and sugar, tossing to coat them evenly.   Serve with fresh sliced strawberries and a scoop of French vanilla ice cream.

There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays

The December Holidays have come and gone. A new year has begun.

I realize the magic of my season comes from the solace of the hearth and kitchen.  Family and friends naturally gather where food can be found and the wafting aromas lure everyone to the kitchen.

In that spirit, I wanted to show you what I came up with for the hollidays.  I think it worked out well.

Happy Eating and Happy New Year.


Grilled Sweetbreads

Sweetbreads are the thyroid gland of a calf or a lamb.  Which sounds horrible but are really a wonderfully delicate and flavorful meat.  As with all offal, make certain it's fresh or frozen appropriately. 
1 lb veal Sweetbreads
Salt
Olive Oil
Salt and Pepper

Rinse the sweetbreads in cold water.  Remove any extra membrane.

Dissolve 2 tablespoons of salt in 2 quarts of water in a non-reactive bowl.  Add the sweetbreads.  (add more water if needed to cover.)  Seal in plastic wrap and put in the refrigerator for 8 hours or more.

Heat your grill to medium high (about 400 degrees).  Rinse the sweetbreads thoroughly and pat dry with paper towels.  Break into skewerable chunks and skewer onto 4 skewers.  (I know--if I used my Thesaurus, I might find another word for skewer.  But I'm not.  Feel free to contribute your ideas in the Comments section.)  Drizzle lightly with olive oil and smear it around with your hand to evenly coat.  Season with salt and pepper.

Lay the skewers on the grill and get to grilling.  Toast each side until golden brown, about 3-5 minutes per side.  (Caution: keep an eye on them.  They'll go from golden brown to burnt in a hurry.)

Remove from the heat and serve warm with a great dipping sauce.  Chimchurri is traditional, but I used a homemade Asian-style soy and vinegar.  Delicious!


Beef Wellington
1 lb Mushrooms (I love a mix of wild mushrooms for a richer flavor)
2 Leeks, trimmed, rinsed and sliced into 1/4 inch quarter-round slices
1 teaspoon fresh Thyme leaves
2 tablespoons Butter or Olive Oil
1 lb Foie Gras
3 lbs Center Cut Beef Tenderloin
2 tablespoons Bacon Fat
Salt and Pepper to taste
1 lb Puff Pastry (we used my Mom's homemade Brioche)
1 Egg, beaten (for egg wash)

To make the Duxelles: coarsely chop mushrooms.  Dump it into the food processor along with leeks, thyme and a 1/2 teaspoon salt.  Pulse until the mushrooms are small and evenly-sized pieces, but not a paste.  Melt the butter in a large skillet on medium high heat.  Transfer the mushroom mix to the pan, add any more salt and pepper to taste, and saute until the moisture has mostly evaporated out, about 8-10 minutes.  Remove from the heat to let cool.

In the mean time, tie the tenderloin like a roast to keep its cylindrical shape.  Sprinkle evenly with salt on all sides.  (Most chefs prefer to not only trim the tenderloin for excess fat and silverskin, but also shape it at this time so everything cooks evenly.  I can see their point, but I know that my family prefers various degrees of doneness in their meat.  When the center is rare, the smaller ends will be medium well.  And that's OK.  Use your judgement.)  Melt the bacon fat in a large skillet (the same one you just used?  Yes.  It's got good flavor...) on high heat.  Sear the tenderloin on all sides, seasoning with pepper as you go.  Remove from the heat place in the refrigerator to cool.  (Remember, you want a sear on the outside and the inside should be cold and raw.)  The searing adds flavor and the tying, searing and refrigeration help keep it's shape.

While cooling, slice the foie gras into thin (1/8 inch) slices.  Assemble the foie gras slices like fish scales (slightly overlapping) on a large sheet(s) of plastic wrap.  It's OK if some of the plastic wrap shows through--this part doesn't need to be perfect, just reasonably consistent.  Spread the duxelles evenly over the foie gras.  Cut the string off the tenderloin, lay it on the foie gras and duxelles palette, and then wrap the plastic firmly around the whole thing.  Refrigerate for 30 min to an hour.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

On a floured board, roll out your puff pastry to a sheet large enough to encase the tenderloin with a little extra overlap.  Move it to a sheet of parchment paper.  (This makes moving it and cleaning so much easier.)  Working quickly, but gently, unwrap the meat from the plastic wrap.  The foie gras should now stick to the duxelles which should stick to the tenderloin.  Place in the center of the pastry and wrap the pastry firmly around it.  Trim the excess off the ends, keeping the trimmings for decoration or a puff pastry dessert (as you desire).   Seal any seams with egg wash.  Using a sharp knife, slice a few small vents into the pastry.  Transfer the parchment paper to a cookie sheet and put the cookie sheet into the oven.

Bake until the desired doneness.  I like rare to medium rare in the center, so using your probe thermometer, cook until it reads 125 degrees in the center.  Remove from the oven.  Take a second to admire your beautiful handiwork, then cover with foil and let rest for 20 minutes.  20 MINUTES!  No touching it, no matter how good it looks.

Starting in the center, slice into one inch slices and serve.  Some people will want to add a sauce.  This is so rich and flavorful that you really don't need it.  Gilding the lily and whatnot.


Rommegrot
This pudding is completely stolen from NPR.  Yes, NPR.  Not Delicious Dish with Alec Baldwin, but the real thing.  Simple and delicious.  Just like Carl Kasell.
1/2 cup white rice
2 cups half-and-half or cream
Pinch of salt
4-6 cups milk
Butter, Cinnamon and Sugar

Heat the rice, half-and-half and salt in a double boiler over low heat. Cover and simmer for a minimum of 2 hours, adding additional milk as the mixture thickens. This is the minimum time you need for the rice to break down. Ideally, it should cook over low heat for 6-8 hours for a smoother, creamier rommegrot. Continue to add milk as needed and periodically check the double boiler to keep it from boiling dry. If it does boil dry it will turn your rommegrot brown. You can adjust the recipe and amounts of cream versus milk to suit your taste, although it is not recommended to make it with just milk.

When ready to serve, make sure the rommegrot is at a pudding consistency. Serve warm with a dollop of butter and a generous sprinkling of cinnamon sugar.

"Traditional Norwegian rommegrot does not use rice. It is essentially just cooked cream with flour, but in this recipe the rice acts as a thickening agent instead. I'm not sure how my family started making it with rice, but this is the way my Norwegian grandmother and also, I believe, the way her mother made it."

You Eat What? (A Reprint)

Some time ago, I wrote this little ditty for Studio Thirty Plus.  I don't really feel like writing something new this weekend, and since this is new to most of you, please enjoy.  (And if you've read this already, enjoy it again.  Or don't.  But I'd prefer it if you did.  My ego is fragile.)

At the request (or rather the e-equivalent of a double dog dare) of one of my newest Wordy friends, I posted a picture of me during a fire eating show.

It's dramatic.

Go ahead.  Take a gander. I'll give you a minute.

See?  Isn’t it great?

As soon as someone finds out I'm a fire eater, the inquiries naturally begin: "How did you start eating fire?" "Why fire eating?" “Doesn’t it hurt?” and, "What does your [mom/wife] think?"

My mom still shudders, but my wife loves it. In fact, that’s part of what convinced her to marry me. (Wife. Not mom. I don’t want pronoun trouble to lead you to the wrong conclusions. Not that my mom isn’t a very handsome woman. She is. I just don’t think of her that way.)  She (wife) had just broken up with her very nice boyfriend because there was no “magic.”  Her family questioned her judgment. But fire was exactly that spark we both needed to become something better.

Fire is more than it appears. Stare into a campfire. The flames lick the air in what is really a simple chemical reaction: super heated oxygen combines with carbon to release more heat, thereby converting more carbon, until the wood turns to charcoal and ultimately, ash. Other chemical impurities provide surprises of blues and greens to the orange flames. But the physical experience of fire only adds to the spiritual. I defy anyone with a soul to stare into the fire and not be transported to a time of our most ancient ancestors and the stories they told. In short, fire is magic.

I started eating fire in 1992, but the decision to eat it was made much, much earlier. At 12 years old, I visited the Ringling Bros. Circus and I was absolutely captivated by the fire eater. Flash forward a few years, living in the mountains of Colorado, still too young to drive, a rainy day and any friends were too far away for a walking visit. (Literally—not at all contrary to popular belief, until I learned to drive, I actually did ride a horse to get around.) My mom always had a rule, “If you’re bored, I’ll find something for you to do,” which really meant chores, and since that held NO interest for me, I made a list of all the things I wanted to do in my life before I died.  Fire eating was on that list. So was wilderness survival and walking on the moon, but I’ll save those for future blogs. 

In my senior year of college at Colorado State University, my roommate, Mike, was a celebrated artist. What he was not, was a celebrated scientist. He waited until his final semester to take any courses relating to science and then he stacked three of them back to back to back. Perhaps it was kismet, perhaps serendipity, but Mike’s chemistry professor had been a fire eater for Ringling Bros. Circus for nearly 30 years. When I found out, I stalked the professor back to his office. I shared with him my story, my longing, my aching to know the art of fire eating. He, in turn, grilled me for hours (pardon the pun), making certain that I was not a pyromaniac, and that indeed I wanted to perform for audiences. When he was satisfied, he simply said, “Meet me here tomorrow. Three o’clock.”

I had no idea of what to expect, but of course, I did what he asked. On arrival, and without greeting, he handed me a brass rod, one end wrapped in asbestos cloth and stated, without ceremony, “What the audience beholds is not what is happening. When well performed, there is little risk of immolation. Instead, the audience can enjoy one act in a show about a slow poisoning over the course of decades.” He then handed me a simple drinking glass filled half way with charcoal lighter fluid. He taught me how to move, how to ignite and how to extinguish. In fact, over the course of nearly 6 months, he taught me the true secrets of fire eating: knowing how to control the flame, how to give a good show, and knowing how much pain I can withstand.  My “graduation” was in front of members of the Fort Collins Fire Department.

So there it is. That's my story about fire eating. I still eat fire regularly—or as regularly as afforded. I enjoy it immensely and I still love the interplay with an audience.  So come join me. Watch while you can. After all, I may only have a few decades left.

And just because I love you all, a recipe:

Hot Buttered Rum Mix

1 stick Butter, softened

2 cups Brown Sugar (I like the molasses in the Dark Brown)

1 teaspoon ground Cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon grated Nutmeg

1/8 teaspoon ground Cloves

1/8 teaspoon ground Allspice

1/4 teaspoon Salt (if using unsalted butter)

In a mixing bowl, cream together all of the ingredients.  Pack into an airtight food storage container and refrigerate until firm.  (It will get very firm.)  The mix will keep for months in a well-sealed container.

Hot Buttered Rum

1 1/2 tablespoons Hot Buttered Rum Mix

1 1/2 oz Rum (Most recipes call for dark rum, but this is your cocktail.  Use whatever rum you like.)

Hot Water

Cinnamon Stick or Orange Twist for garnish

In a mug, combine the mix and the rum.  Add hot water to top it off.  Stir until the mix is dissolved.  Add garnish.  Cuddle up to your sweetie, sit in front of the fireplace and lose yourself in the magic of a lovely evening.

Pass the Salt

I graduated college nearly 20 years ago.  Wow.  It seems like only yesterday.  I remember my youthfully arrogant, Bohemian ways; I remember my first tattoos; I remember the girls I dated (Hello, ladies) and the books I read.  Or more correctly, I remember reading a lot of books.  So many books.  I studied the complete works of Shakespeare, John Milton and William Blake.  I devoured Plato, Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas.  I read The Bible, The Tao Te Ching and The Rig-Veda.  I studied Updike, Vonnegut and Atwood.  In fact, I read so many books in college that I really don't like reading now.  Honest.  If you were planning on getting me books for the holidays, please don't.

In place of "reading," however, I do enjoy "research" when it strikes my fancy.  Of course, one of my favorite topics for "research" happens to be food.  And what could be more interesting right now than something as timeless and elemental as salt.  It's kind of the little black dress of the food world.

Think about it: most of what we put in our mouths is pretty disgusting.  And everything gets pretty gross once your body works it over for a bit.  So the cleanliness, the purity, virtual sterility of salt cannot go unappreciated.  Salt is the only rock we eat.  Salt is the reason for the salinity of the oceans which in turn contributes to driving the currents of the seas and thereby regulates the temperatures of the earth.  Salt inhibits the growth of bacteria and other beasties and is essential for preserving many foods.  Biomolecularly, the human body requires sodium chloride to maintain osmotic balance of cells, transmit chemical signals in our nervous systems and aids in the elasticity of our blood vessels.

Salt is mentioned in 40 verses in the King James Bible, and has been an important element in most world religions and religious ceremonies throughout history.

Table salt

Oh, and salt also enhances flavors.  (If you doubt it, try baking a loaf of bread without adding salt to the dough. I recently screwed that up.  YUCK!)  For that reason, you'll find salt as one of the top ingredients in many pre-packaged foods.  So much so, that it has been linked to health problems in many first world diets.  (It should be noted that studies on the long term health effects of salt are inconclusive, at best.  While it MAY exacerbate the effects of high blood pressure in some people already suffering from high blood pressure, a salt-heavy diet does not appear to contribute significantly to mortality or morbidity.  In my opinion, foods heavy in salt are usually also heavy in other preservatives, saturated fats and high fructose corn syrup which have all been proven to be significantly worse for you.)

Table salt under 10x magnification

Salt comes to us in many varieties.  We most commonly recognize table salt in our home and restaurant use.  Its small, consistent crystals (which look all too similar to sugar so as to prompt sophomoric pranks of switching the two) shakes out of salt shakers easily, is simple to measure, and dissolves easily.  Table salt is highly refined, removing most flavoring minerals, but adding in iodine, anti-caking compounds and sometimes additional nutrients.  Because of its small grains, I usually use slightly less salt than called for in recipes, but it's the only seasoning I use on popcorn.

Kosher salt

Kosher salt is hands down my favorite for cooking. When seasoning meats, it's broad, flat flakes spread evenly and dissolve quickly. Kosher salt usually contains less additives than table salt but is still rather highly refined. And salt itself is really neither Kosher nor not Kosher. Unless it's soaked in prawns, salt is fine in Kosher seasoning. But Kosher salt is regularly used in Kosher meat preparation. It's flat structure draws out protein-rich liquids, evenly, to the surface which allows for a lovely Maillard reaction. 

Kosher salt under 10x magnification

Sea salt with Greek spices

Fleur de sel, or sea salt, is less refined and contains trace minerals from the salt water from which it came.  The removal of salt (and other minerals) from salt water, or desalinization, is arguably one of the most important advancements in the future of human agriculture.  The salt is flavorful and usually has large crystals.  This is a great salt to grind and add to dishes where the salt is supposed to be a highlight.

Sea salt under 10x magnification

A Himalayan Salt Block

Mineral Salts, or salts that are mined from the land, are usually extracted from land-bound salt deposits, that used to be water deposits.  Through geologic processes, these salts usually contain the highest mineral concentrations.  Like sea salt, they are best expressed where the salt should be tasted.  Because these salts are often formed into large rock formations, they can also be cut into blocks.  This is an AMAZING application and we love to use ours as a serving tray for sliced fruit.  The juices from the fruit dissolves trace amounts of the salt block, which in turn lightly seasons the fruit.  A perfect system.  Shop for salt blocks at The Meadow. 

Seasoned and smoked salts punch up the flavor to a whole other level.  If getting out the grill would be impractical, but you still want that hint of smokiness, try smoked salt.  Or if you want an easy boost of herbs and other seasonings to your potatoes, try seasoned salt. 

I've written before on using salt in a brine.  I've also posted a recipe for cooking a chicken in a salt crust.  However, I love when a chef (or anyone, really) questions what they've been taught.  Chef Oliver Schwaner-Albright had such a crisis of faith and through his experimentation, learned much about when to add salt to meats.   

So when should you use the different kinds of salts?  As usual, my first recommendation is taste and experiment.  What tastes good?  You've got some good hints in foods you already know.  Pretzels wouldn't be the same without salt, so salt baked into a bread's crust should be good.  Many families pass the salt when they split open a melon.  I discovered that I love coffee ice cream with a pinch of sea salt. 

If you can avoid most of the salt used in prepackaged foods, you shouldn't be afraid of salt.  So give it a whirl and try a kick of unexpected flavor. 

For dessert, try:

Ice Cream Scoops Rolled in Graham Cracker and Salt
4 scoops of your favorite Ice Cream (for those keeping track, Mint Chocolate Chip is my favorite)
8 Graham Crackers
1 tablespoon Sugar
2 teaspoons coarsely ground Fleur de Sel

Place a cookie sheet lined with parchment or wax paper in the freezer until very cold, about 15 minutes.  Using an ice cream scoop run under a hot tap, scoop individual scoops of ice cream onto the cookie sheet.  Return to the freezer. 

Using a rolling pin, crush the graham crackers to a coarse powder.  Combine the sugar, graham crackers and salt in a shallow, wide bowl. 

When the ice cream is frozen hard enough to handle, roll the scoops in the graham cracker mix, coating evenly.  Serve and enjoy!


Rosemary and Lemon Cookies with Fleur de Sel
1 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 cups white sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
Zest of 2 Lemons
1 tablespoon fresh Rosemary, minced
Sea Salt (unground)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees and grease (or spray) a cookie sheet. 

In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar together.  Beat in the egg and the vanilla.  In another bowl, stir together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, lemon zest and rosemary.  Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet until well mixed.

Put a little salt (1 tablespoon or so) onto a small plate.  Roll the dough into 1 inch balls.  Tap the ball lightly once into the salt.  You want to pick up a few grains of salt on each cookie.  Place the balls on the cookie sheet, salt side, up. 

Bake for 8-10 minutes or until golden brown.  Let rest for a few minutes on the cookie sheet before removing to a cooling rack.  Makes about 4 dozen.


And just because you read all the way through, you get a picture of my Sunday morning.

Apples on a Salt Block.  (And the dog looks on in curious bemusement.)