The Perks of Being a Foodie

I was recently invited to judge a chili cookoff.  An informal affair, but filled with good humor, good friends and of course, good food.  I understand the honor of being chosen to judge rather than to cook.  It implies that I have a decerning palate, I can recognize the various degrees of good, I can justify my reasoning when someone calls my judgement into question and I can be charming and gracious to winner and loser alike.  I understand that I am also the pinnacle of integrity.  At least that's what it means in my mind. 

It does require putting personal friendships and emotions aside for a little while.  When you've clearly picked a chili that is not your friend's, it helps to have a thick skin, lots of charm and a few quick-witted jokes. 

Friend: It's over between us.

Me: Really?  But I was just getting to know you.

Friend: Well, that's come to a screeching halt, hasn't it?  You didn't pick my chili.

Me: My subconscience took pity on a lesser participant.  I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong ideas. 
Friend: What wrong ideas?  It was a great chili.
Me: Oh, people would talk.  Rumors would get started.  "What did she have to do to win that award?"
Friend: I didn't have to do anything!  It was great chili!

Me: Yes, and now everyone will be suggesting impious things about your competitor.  I have successfully preserved your spotless name.  You may show your gratitude by serving me another bowl of your delicious chili.

I now offer a few suggestions for anyone planning to enter the judging lifestyle: 

1) As any self-respecting judge knows, bribes should be descrete.  Don't flaunt any "appreciation" that may have been shown for a job well done or an "impartial" opinion reached.  If no bribes are offered, still do a good job.  Don't take petty vendettas against those who don't know any better.  But find a gentle way of coaching so that these mistakes may be avoided in the future.

2) Never let anyone see your notes while you're in the throes of critique.  There is nothing more embarrasing than your true feelings being revealed.  How would you feel if one of the judged found out that you think their chili "lacks body," "has an interesting aroma," or "is reminiscent of the flavor in my mouth the last time I woke up after a three-day bender."  Simply because you think something, it does not mean that it should be completely expressed.  Similarly, if your notes need to be reviewed and therefore seen by the masses, know this ahead of time and have your own internal code.  For me, for example: "sweet" = "canned sauce;" "beans appear overcooked" = "looks like catfood;" or "terrible" = "O! For the love of all that is holy!  My tastebuds are abandoning my mouth!  I have tasted evil!  Why has God forsaken me?  Kill me now!"

3) Never let them see you sweat.  You may taste spicy foods, you may taste disagreeable foods, you may even be pranked, but keep your chin up.  If something is so "terrible" (see above) as to shame the very idea of food, remember, this is theater and all eyes are on you.  Retain the drama.  Your public awaits your verdict and there is no satisfaction for them in knowing the descision before the award ceremony. 

Indeed, judging offers tremendous rewards and prestige in the community.  When handled correctly, it can also be quite lucrative.  But I'd rather be cooking.  And in case anyone out there is looking to enter my cooking into a contest, I offer great bribes.

Tonight for dinner:

Butterfly Rosemary Lemon Game Hens

1 Game Hen per person

3 Lemon slices per hen

fresh Rosemary

Salt and Pepper

Heat the oven to 400 degrees.

Remove the hens from their packages and rinse them thoroughly inside and out.  Using kitchen sheers (or the proper use of a good knife) cut the back out of the birds by cutting along the spine on both sides from tail to neck.  Using a paring knife, remove the wishbone.  Open the birds and flatten them out skin-side up.  Gently run your fingers between the skin and the meat, seperating the two.  Place one slice of lemon under the skin on each side of the breast and 1/2 a slice under the skin on the thighs.  Place sprigs of rosemary liberally under the skin wherever you can.  Sprinkle inside and out with salt and pepper.

Place the birds bones down and skin up on a cookie sheet, tuck the wings under themselves and slide it all into the oven.  Cook for 30 minutes and then take their temperature using an instant read thermometer, checking the breast meat and thighs.  Thighs should be 175 degrees and breast about 165.  If not, cook for a few minutes more.  When done, remove from the oven and cover with foil, letting it rest for 10 minutes. 

Enjoy!