Can We Have a Grown-up Talk?

I love indulging my passions. A fly on the wall would be both shocked and amused at my antics. Spend more than a few hours with me and I bet you would be too. While I can maintain a professional attitude at work and I prefer not to swear in front of my mom, most social conventions get thrown out the window when I'm left to my own devices for too long. I similarly prefer to surround myself with people a lot like me, which also means that we become enablers, or even instigators, to each other. I have been witness to or participated in most of the wonderful vices known to modern man.

Which takes me to porn. Don't turn away! I'm not going to embarrass you, me or my mom in this conversation. (While I'd love to say that I'll actually make my mom proud with this post, that wouldn't exactly be accurate either. Probably.)

Pornography has been around for a long time. Frescos uncovered in the ancient city of Pompeii (buried under 20 feet of volcanic ash in AD 79) depicted graphic scenes of handsome men and beautiful women doing their best to illustrate the entire catalogue of The Birds and the Bees. Man/Woman, Men/Women, Man/Man, Woman/Woman and sometimes Man/Woman/Member of the Animal Kingdom. Pretty much everything there to view. Like a very educational Google search. Or late night Cinemax.

Like ancient Rome, porn is now going much more mainstream than it used to be, even a few decades ago. Do you know who Bree Olson is? If your first guess was Porn Star, then you are a guy and I know what you've been doing with your computer. If you answered, "Porn Star who famously hooked up with Charlie Sheen and that other woman during Charlie's near downfall, and then got even more famous by telling her part of the story to TMZ," you would also be right and have illustrated my point.

Do you know what Bree Olson isn't? She isn't real. Bree Olson isn't her real name. You can find her stats and dimensions; her turn ons and turn offs; what she thinks about the industry, Charlie Sheen, and religion. But you and I don't know what she's like in an arguement. We don't know how she cleans her house, how she cuddles up to a loved one when she's tired, nor the quirks she has about shopping. In short, we don't have a person. We have a porn starlet.

Pornography is a poor (albeit sexy) imitation of a relationship. It doesn't show the day-to-day events and activities that build a partnership. It doesn't show taking out the trash, changing the diapers or rubbing your beloved's feet. It only shows you . . . well . . . you know.

And THAT is why I hate the term "food porn." Example: While I love Neil Patrick Harris, and he has a great Twitter feed of beautiful food from famous restaurants from all over the world, (@NPHFoodPorn), the real beauty of the food he is enjoying is NOT in the picture of the dish, but in the making and sensuality of it.

Food porn doesn't show you the ingredients, challenges, efforts and triumphs of truly wonderful cuisine. The time it takes assemble disparate parts; the sweat in a hot kitchen; the sticky fingers; flour hanging in the air; the smell of soup-stock simmering on the stove. This where my relationship to food gets permanently fixed in my soul.
But here's the rub: I still love looking at pictures of food. The experience can be inspirational. There is a fantasy, a desire, a carnal wanting that makes you crave more. Yes, even though I hate the thought of food porn, I indulge in it, too. The preacher also sins.

So here's a couple of recipes that could be food porn, but I am better for having had the relationship.

Gulkand 

Thank you to my friend at Indian Food Rocks for inspiring me and pointing me in the right direction. This particular recipe was adapted from recipes found extensively on the internet.

4-5 cups of aromatic Rose Petals (see recipe, below, to keep it safe)

2 cups White or Raw Sugar (I like more sugar than is usually suggested)

3 Cardamom Pods

2 teaspoons Coriander Seeds

4 Whole Cloves

Early in the morning, while your roses are just opening up for the day, snip the best-looking rose heads into a bowl. Make sure the roses are free of bruises, blemishes and BUGS! This is not part of my entymophagy post. Separate the petals from the rest of the rose head, and lay the petals out on a paper towel. Don't bother patting them dry but do remove any excess water. Discard any petals that are badly damaged, bruised, dried and crinkly, etc.

In a wide-mouth mason jar, layer rose petals and sugar. Somewhere in the middle, sprinkle in the spices. Finish with rose petals on top.

Seal the jar and place it in the sun for 6 hours a day for 3-4 weeks. Every other day, open the jar and give it a stir with the handle of a wooden spoon. (Opening the jar also allows you to indulge your senses by taking a whiff. I have to imagine this is what faerie farts smell like.) There will be condensation in the jars. This is good.

After 3-4 weeks, the petals break down and everything turns dark and muddy in color. This is also good. The sugar crystals melt and clump and pick up color and flavor.

You can eat the gulkand right off a spoon (Lord knows I do!) or you can add it to other ingredients. It combines well with alcohol. Mix a tablespoon of gulkand in 2 oz of water, 2 oz of good gin and 1 oz of vodka. Stir until the sugar has dissolved. Add the fresh juice of 1/2 lemon, shake over ice for 30 seconds and strain into a cocktail glass. refreshing on a summer night!

Orange Lavender Bitters

Like the bitters before, but MUCH better.

750ml Everclear

3 tablespoons Coriander Seeds

1 Anise Star

1 teaspoon Allspice Berries

2 teaspoons Peppercorns (I used white. That's what I had on hand.)

1 California Bay Leaf

8oz Dried Orange Peel

25 Drops Gentian Root Extract

8oz Dried Lavender Flowers

In a clean jar, combine all the dried ingredients EXCEPT for the lavender. Add the Everclear and the gentian root extract. Seal the jar and store in a cool, dark place for 7 days. Give it a good shake once a day. The liquid should start to turn orange.

After the first week has passed, add the lavender. Shake once a day for 7 more days.

Strain it through a seive to catch the big stuff, then double filter it through a pitcher water filter (I use a Brita).

When it is pretty clear (although very dark), put it in a sauce pan over medium low heat. Reduce it to 1/2. Store in clean jars.

It's Got To Be 5 O'Clock Somewhere...

I don’t enjoy cooking. To me, sustenance cooking is possibly the most boring kind of cooking there is and it’s the kind of cooking that happens the most often. I just don’t like it. I hate it. I am uninspired.

This isn’t your usual friendly host.

This is his, “lovely bride,” his “better half,” his “beloved,” or any other examples by which he has referred to me in his previous blog posts.

Hello!

In the 16 years that my husband and I have been married, I have cooked dinner for the two of us 13 times. 13. Not a typo.  (I admit I might be the luckiest girl in the world.)  Now, that’s not to say that I can’t cook.  I can.  I am a firm believer in the adage that, “if you can read, then you can cook.” (But occasionally cooking by reading leads to food that’s less than inspired).  Plus, my first middle school teaching job was half art and half home economics, so I was responsible for teaching 30 pre-pubescent children how to cook without burning the school down.  Which I did.  I just don’t want to cook at home.

But “a marriage is a partnership,” and all that, and I want to continue to be fed in the manner that I have become accustomed to so I try to find ways of contributing to the evening meal.  More often than not I try to know what I want to eat for dinner that night so my "chef" has a direction he can follow.  I stay out of the way, as our little galley kitchen is too small for the both of us.  I can load a mean dishwasher.  And I like to drink.  Which initially doesn’t seem helpful to the dinner process, but it is the reason your usual blogger requested I take over this week’s blog.

Back story: My husband and I have a raspberry patch.  In fact, this patch is bigger than our kitchen.  When we moved into our home it was cute and small and manageable and I was excited to see it, remembering the raspberries that I lived across the street from when I was a child.  Now the patch is no longer manageable.  I say this in the midst of picking season so I might be a little spiteful, but in truth, next year I will need to be more ruthless in the thinning out of the bushes.  There are so many berries that picking for an hour and a half everyday keeps me just barely on top of supply.  We freeze many bags of berries.

A few years ago, when I was in a similar glut of berries, I went on an interweb search of things to do with raspberries other than jam, pie, and the other usual suspects.  I was to the point of looking for a recipe for facial scrub as we had had our fill of eating them and it seemed like a great idea, what with all those seeds.  No such luck.  But I did find a recipe for Raspberry Liqueur.  Thankfully it called for huge quantity of berries.  I made the first batch and that jug was the humble beginning of a bigger love of alcohol with stuff in it.

The cocktail has always had an air of sophistication and specialness about it.  Lucky for the cocktail, it has seen a renaissance in the recent years.  “Speakeasies” are popping up like Whack-A-Moles around the nation (which in itself is a bit of an oxymoron) and the general public is more inclined to pay handsomely for a bespoke cocktail.  Especially when the ingredients in them are as fleeting as the seasons they come from.  Green Russell, you know how I love you.  So what’s a girl to do if her purse isn’t as large as her love of good hooch?  Make her own, of course!

Infusions are the easiest to start with.  Pick a flavor or flavors you love (or an ingredient you have too much of), put it in a big glass jar, cover it with your chosen liquor and wait.  At this point a cool, dark room or cabinet is your friend.  The waiting is the hardest part, even though in this instance it’s only for a few days.  Soaking time is up to you.  Obviously the shorter the soak, the milder the flavors.  A great cheat sheet has been provided by DIY Cocktails by Marcia Simmons and Jonas Halpren.  Use it!  However a good point of reference is, generally speaking, one part ingredient to one part liquor, i.e. 1 Cup Raspberries to 1 Cup Vodka (just make sure the berries are totally covered).

Liqueurs are slightly more work, but infinitely sweeter.  Same general process as an infusion but with simple syrup added at the end. Soaking time increases from a few days to a few weeks or months.  During processing, I take the extra effort to push out as much of the juices prior to adding the simple syrup as possible, just to have as much yummy goodness as I can.  With liqueurs, the older the better! As they sit (if you can refrain from drinking them right away) the flavors mellow and develop.  A processed batch that is a year old is better than a processed batch that is new.  Lemoncello falls into this category, as well.

Bitters have excellently scary ingredients in them like Worm Wood and Gentian Root and are more my husband’s realm as I gave him all the necessary accoutrement for Christmas a little while ago.  We use them in our Manhattans and Rob Roys while we watch Mad Men and covet the furniture and clothes…

And then we are sort of out of my area of expertise.  I really have no desire to make my own beer, but would I one day like to have a still in a shack out back?  Hellz yes!  Who doesn’t remember the hotness of Bo and Luke Duke??!!  But for now I will settle for my basement looking a bit like a science lab, what with all the bottles of unidentifiable soaking in fluids.

What’s for Happy Hour

Sour Cherry-infused Vodka
Again, quantities are up to you.  We have a Sour Cherry tree in the back yard so I currently have A LOT of Cherries soaking.  Didn’t want the squirrels and birds to have all the fun.
2 Cups Sour Cherries
2 Cups Vodka (or Gin or Whiskey or Rum) Your favorite brand is fine, but don’t feel the need to buy top shelf.  In fact, now is the time to be frugal.  The cheaper the better.  Skol or some other brand of that nature is great.

Put the cherries in a clear, glass jar. Agitate daily. Wait 3+ days before drinking. You can sneak a nip every day or so to see what the flavors have done. But be careful you don’t nip it all away…

Simple Syrup
I like my simple syrup to sweeten up whatever infusion seems like it needs it. 1oz of simple syrup with 4 oz of the above Sour Cherry Infusion, with a couple dashes of Orange Bitters, shaken in a cocktail shaker tastes like Cherry Pie in a glass.

Most of the instructions you will find for making simple syrup say to combine 1 part sugar with 1 part water and bring to a boil, stirring until the fluid is clear. This process sucks for me as standing by a hot stove waiting for sugar to dissolve is uncomfortable and boring. Instead I use the same quantities (1 to 1) but instead of adding the sugar to the water at the beginning, I bring my water to a boil FIRST and then add the sugar. The granules melt much faster this way and you don’t have to be right on top of the heat the whole time. If I’m making the syrup in large batches to have on hand (it keeps in the refrigerator) I will add the sugar to the boiling water in increments, being sure the liquid turns clear before I add the next increment. 2 cups water plus 2 cups sugar make a little less than 4 cups of fluid. You can also add additional ingredients to the fluid to make flavored simple syrup. I have included a table spoon of Lavender to the 1 cup/ 1cup as I was melting/low boiling the sugar in the water. It is lovely in gin (or iced tea, but what fun is that?). You can also add fresh mint, great for a quick Mojito or Mint Julep. Basil could also be great. Store in the fridge in a glass jar with a lid.

Raspberry Liqueur
4 Cups Raspberries
4 Cups Vodka or Brandy or Vendome (a brandy and cognac blend)
2 Cups water
½ Cup Sugar

Put the berries and booze in a clear, glass jar being sure that the berries are covered by the liquid. Store in a cool, dark spot like your basement. Agitate occasionally for 4 to 6 weeks. Drain the fluid from the berries. I like to use my pasta pot with a built in, bowl sized colander for this. With a wooden spoon press out as much of the remaining juices/ alcohol as you can. The berries will pretty much turn to mush.

In a sauce pot boil the water. Add the sugar. Cool.

Note: this simple syrup is far less sweet than the recipe above but that’s ok as the berry juice is already pretty sweet.

When the simple syrup is cool stir into the berry juices. Store in a glass container. If you can wait another month before you drink it, like I mentioned earlier, it will just get better and better.

Alert!! Don’t throw those berries away!!  I like to use all the parts of my berries and let nothing go to waste. Matte and I have made milkshakes with boozy berries. Matte melted chocolate and made Vodka Raspberry Chocolate Bark simply by laying the berries out on a cookie sheet covered in parchment paper, insuring there was enough space between the berries to allow the chocolate to act as a binding agent. He refridegerated it all for about an hour to have it set.

I’ve been long-winded but I hope you’ve enjoyed my contribution. See you in future posts, maybe…

H.

Oops and Opportunities

When caught in an absolute whirlwind of life, I tend to unwind in the kitchen.  And boy have I been creative in the kitchen this past month!  Here are a handful of things I've been working on: 

Lavender Bitters

Winter Vegetable Bake

Greek Stir-Fry

Chicken Soup Pot Pie

Crepes

. . . and few dishes that were just OK to flat out bad.  (My darling bride and kitchen-mate was thoroughly unimpressed by Tilapia and Shrimp in an Orange Cream Sauce.)

Ask me how I recover from a bad recipe experiment. 

Well, after some minor embarrassment and scraping of dishes into the compost, I think back to where I went south.  More often than not, it was the wrong amount of one ingredient, the improper cooking temperature or a bad guess on cooking time (the last two can generally be summed up as "awful texture.")  If the principles of the dish are sound and I can identify the problem, I will try it again with tweaks.  On the other hand, if my panel of expert taste-tester (see "darling-bride and kitchen-mate" reference, above) suggests that I should abandon the dish altogether, I drop it like the proverbial rotten potato it might be.  I have thereby successfully avoided repeats of the Sesame Fried Tofu incident, the Scallops Encrusted in Tapioca Flour, or the dreaded Fried Squash Blossoms with Fish-Paste Filling.  (DON'T JUDGE ME!)

Now and then, however, one of those mistakes becomes serendipity.  Overcooking can lead to caramelization which can be delicious when everything else works out.  Too much of one spice can create a new emphasis on the palate.  And cooking something too long and at too low of a temperature can concentrate flavors and make everything a little more bold.  Here's a couple of near mistakes we've decided are worth keeping. 


Greek Stir-Fry
We emptied a family member's refrigerator of all the perishables that might perish before they return from vacation.  We combined the ingredients with a few things I had in our kitchen and then I cooked it way too quickly on too high of a temperature.  With a little doctoring, here is the happy result.

2 tablespoons Canola Oil
6-8 large stalks of Kale, de-stemmed and chopped (I used 5 stalks of Bok Choy (with stems) instead)
8 large Mushrooms, sliced
1/4 of a medium Onion, chopped
1 teaspoon of dried Oregano
1/2 cup Greek Yogurt
juice of 1/2 Lemon
1 brick of Firm Tofu, drained and cut into 1 inch cubes
1/4 cup crumbled Feta Cheese

Heat a wok or deep skillet on high heat for 90 seconds.  It may start to smell like a hot skillet.  That's good.  Add the canola oil and wait for 30 seconds.  Swirl it around and add the kale, mushrooms and onion.  Let rest for 10 seconds, then flip it around with a spatula.  Saute for 2 minutes on very high heat, then add the oregano, yogurt, and lemon juice.  Get it hot again.  Add the tofu, stir and remove it from the heat.  Sprinkle with Feta cheese and serve over couscous.  Or rice.  Or left over polenta like I did.


Lavender Bitters
This started off as Cucumber Bitters, but that didn't work out AT ALL!  But it did make really great lavender bitters.

750 ml Everclear
1 12 inch English Cucumber sliced
8 oz dried Lavender blossoms
6 oz dried and crushed Orange Peel
40 drops Gentian Root Extract

Combine all the ingredients in a clean jar.  Shake every 2 days.  Filter thorougly and rebottle.  Use sparingly whenever an herbal punch is needed.

Bitters: Attempts 3 & 4

Habañero Bitters
750 ml Everclear
1 Habañero Chili Pepper
12 Juniper Berries, crushed
1 teaspoon Coriander Seed
25 drops Gentian Root Extract

Very good mixed in other drinks.  This bitters has a strong bite that lingers on the tongue.  When mixed in a Manhattan, for example, the bite is softened but still offers a residual tingle inside the mouth. 

Vanilla Bitters
750 ml Everclear
3 Mexican Vanilla Beans, split open
2 sticks Cinnamon
1 Black Cardamom Pod
20 drops Gentian Root Extract

Very aromatic with a sweet scent.  This is almost the exact opposite of the habañero bitters.  Goes down smoothly--too smoothly . . . .

For both, follow the basic instructions of the bitters recipes presented before.

Bitters Tasting and a Spiced Dinner

It's been 2 weeks. The Christmas decorations are all put away, snow has come and gone, we watched Avatar, my wife visited the National Western Stock Show, and I've hosted 2 seminars.

And the the anticipation is killing me.

2 weeks ago I blogged about making bitters, gave you 2 recipies to try and promised I'd give you the results.

Well . . . .

Spicey!!

Bold!!


Alright, here's the scoop. I think it will get even better when it's had a chance to sit for another week or two, but it already has a powerful rosemary and juniper nose on the front-end and a liquorice finish. It's just bitter enough (wormword was the right choice).

But I have to confess, like the orange bitters before, it lacks a certain depth. I'll let it rest for a bit and give final judgement down the road. And I'd like a little more experimentation. Perhaps in the next batch, I'll add the juniper berries after 1 week and reduce the star anise by half.

We've got time, however, and I have Manhattan's to make. I'll let you know how it goes.

Tonight's dinner:


Spiced Pork Roast and OJ Gravy

2 lbs Boneless Pork Roast
2 tablespoons Olive Oil
2 stars of Anise
1 stick Cinnamon
8 -10 Juniper Berries, lightly crushed
Smoked Salt
fresh-ground Pepper
1 California Bay Leaf (2 leaves if you're using Turkish)
1 cup Orange Juice

In a pressure cooker, heat the olive oil until hot. Salt the pork, lightly and evenly, all the way around. Brown the roast on all sides. Sprinkle with pepper, and then add enough water to ALMOST cover the meat. Add the rest of the spices, but NOT the orange juice.

Cook it under pressure (follow manufacturer's directions, because they are all fairly different) for about an hour. (Good time to start your bread!) This makes for a very nicely infused and tender roast. Remove the roast from the pot and let stand, covered, in a nice warm place.

Use a slotted spoon to remove the spice bits that you can, but don't worry about fighting it too hard--a little juniper berry in the sauce is OK and the meat bits are GREAT! Heat the remaining liquid until boiling and start reducing it. Add the orange juice and keep reducing it. Stir or whisk often. When reduced to 1/4 of what it was, turn off the heat, get the pork roast out, pour over the roast, slice and serve.


Cardamom Flatbread

2 cups Flour, plus more for kneading
1 and 1/2 tablespoons quick acting Yeast
1/4 teaspoon Salt
1/2 teaspoon ground Cardamom
1/4 cup Olive Oil, plus more for the pan
1 cup very warm Water

Combine all the dry ingredients and mix together well. Add the oil and water. Stir together until the dough comes together as a shaggy mass. Turn out onto a clean and floured work surface and knead it until it's uniformly smooth. Let rise, in a covered bowl in a warm, draft-free area for about 30 min.

When about half-again as large as it was, divide into 6 equal parts. Working one at a time (leave the unused portions covered until you're ready for them) roll or press out like a thick tortilla into a disk about 8 inches across. Add a little oil to the bottom of a hot skillet and lightly pan fry on both sides until golden brown and delicious.

Eat while it's hot!


Moroccan Carrot Salad

3 Carrots, grated on the large holes of a box grater
1/4 cup Orange Juice
a fistfull of Raisins
a good dusting of Cinnamon (maybe 1/2 teaspoon?)

Combine everything in a bowl and mix well. Let rest for about 10 minutes.

Serve.

A New Hand at an Old Friend

The digestif known as bitters flavors a number of cocktails, not least of which is my favorite, the Manhattan. Angostura makes the most famous brandname, but many recipes exist for making bitters and some of these can be found online. I tried an orange bitters recipe a little while back with good, but not perfect, results. So I wanted to give it another whirl, this time with my own flavors.

I have a guess as to what flavors I want, and I know with certainty what I don't. The problem with the orange bitters recipe as written: the alcohol is too strong leaving an antiseptic aftertaste. I want something richer, deeper, bolder and a little more complex. Something with hint of spice. We took a trip to Boulder, to our spice shop and apothecary.

Spice shops for me are like candy shops for little children. The apothecary jars filled with rich, exotic spices which promise such wonders, but with a Mona Lisa smile hinting at the mysteries still to be unlocked. Oh! And the aroma! Even walking on the sidewalk past the door, the fragrance calls to me like a siren's song. Savory Spice Shop certainly delivers on every wonderful promise.

When you go to a spice shop, open the jars and get a good whiff of the flavor. Experience how the spice hits the nose--is it all bright, in the nostrils? Or does it hit the back of the throat? You can get a great sense of how something will taste just from its smell. This is good when you are creating your own new recipe. Also, ASK FOR HELP. Savory's staff is knowledgeable and very friendly and was, frankly, very patient with me. What is the difference between California and Turkish bay leaves? Star anise and anise seed? This clove vs that clove? How do these flavors mix? If this was the type of flavor you were going for, what else would you try?


For the bitters I'm working toward, I know I want to start with Whiskey as the base and Rosemary as the central element, so I am looking for a deep supporting cast. Juniper Berries to add another complimentary evergreen flavor; California Bay Leaves to deepen the complexity while adding a slight minty brightness; Star Anise and toasted Cardamon Pods to add sweetness. And I use Wormwood Extract instead of Gentian Root Extract to keep the bitterness more herbal rather than woody.

This is absolutely a work in progress. I'll give you the recipe and let you know how it goes. 2 weeks.




Rosemary Bitters

750ml Canadian Club 100 Proof
about 10-12 inches of fresh Rosemary sprigs (I used the tips of our Rosemary plant)
4 leaves Organic California Bay Leaves
10 Juniper Berries, lightly crushed
6 Green Cardamom Pods, toasted in a skillet
3 stars Star Anise
20 drops Wormwood Extract

Combine all ingredients in an airtight glass jar. (Lets keep it clean, people. Wash it well, first.) Swirl the concoction around immediately and then every other day for 2 weeks. When not shaking it, store it in a cool, dark place.

After 2 weeks, strain for big chunks, then filter through a water filter (I use a Britta). Bottle in a VERY clean bottle, seal, and if you can stand it, let it rest for another 2 weeks to develop flavors.

Serve a shot over ice, or combine into your favorite cocktail.
Orange Bitters
This recipe is pretty good and the flavor has certainly improved over the past 2 weeks since making it. No one told me to store it before consuming. I highly recommend this last step. (Credit to Chow.com for this one.)

750 ml Everclear 151
1/2 lbs dehydrated Orange Peel
1 teaspoon Fennel Seed
1/2 teaspoon Coriander
4 Cardamom Pods
20 drops Gentian Extract

Combine all ingredients in a very clean, glass jar with an airtight lid. Shake well and store in a cool, dark locale. Shake it every other day.

At the end of 2 weeks, strain and filter. (See recommendation above.) I HIGHLY RECOMMEND letting some of it sit for another 2 weeks before using.
The Manhattan

8 count pour of Bourbon
2-4 count pour of Sweet Vermouth
1-2 count pour of Orange Bitters (above)
Garnish
Combine Bourbon, Vermouth, & Bitters in a cocktail shaker, over ice. Shake vigorously, strain into chilled cocktail glass.

Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry, Orange Twist, Orange Slice or Lemon Twist.

(For those who were never bartenders nor had a bartender as a BFF, a 1 count pour is a less-than-one-second count with a bar pourer in the mouth of the bottle. A 4 count pour is about 1 1/2 oz of a liquid.)

Now, go entertain yourself. We are laughing uproariously over FUpenguin. Unless you are my Mom. Then you should still look at this link and laugh. It's funny, with strong language and irony. I'm still going to church.