Paradise by the Kitchen-Stove Light

First, I have to apologize to all of my sensitive readers.  Today's topic is very adult.  I should probably apologize to all of my other readers, too, because it's probably not very well written. But if you're still reading, I will try to make up for it.  I promise. 

Many foodies have written about aphrodisiacs and they all talk about the same things: what are the various aphrodisiacs, whether aphrodisiacs really work and sometimes (rarely), how to prepare aphrodisiacs. I may bump into a couple of these topics, but it'll probably be more on accident.  Today, I want to bring sexy back to food.  Think of me as Emeril Lagasse's and Dr. Ruth Westheimer's brain child.  Or love child: noisy and a little uncomfortable to watch.

Lets get it out there: the biggest sex organ is the brain.  Boys and girls, if you can't stimulate this, you're not going to have much hope with second or third bases, let alone a home run.  (Mixing metaphors here.  Let's see how it goes.)  Women admittedly have it easier than men.  (Good example: H and I were driving home last night and drove by a topless sports bar.  The natural conversation ensued:

H: What's so great about boobs?  If you had the same sports bar without boobs, would it be as good?
Me: Boobs make it better. 
H: Why? 
Me: Because boobs make it better.  If I had Buffalo wings and could see boobs, or I could have Buffalo wings and not have boobs flouncing by, I would definitely choose with boobs.
H: Do you ever get over saturated with seeing boobs?  
Me: Sometimes, but then I'd still have the sports to keep me entertained.
H: I think if I had a shopping mall with penis or a mall without, I'd be indifferent, at best. In fact, I'd probably choose the one without.
Me: That's because boobs aren't the same as penis. They aren't even on the same continuum.  What else do you enjoy looking at? 
H: Shoes.  But I want to buy the shoes and take them home.  Is that how you feel about the boobs?
Me: Not exactly.
H: Diamonds then.
Me:  Maybe.  Closer. 
H: It'd be like me shopping at Cartier. 
Me: Yes.  Exactly like that. 
H: But I want to bring Cartier home with me, too.
Me: Then it's almost nothing like Cartier.  *pause, thinking* They are more like the Hope Diamond. 
H: How so?
Me: The boobs are very pretty to look at, but you can't touch.  And frankly, I wouldn't want all the drama that comes with fancy boobs or the Hope Diamond.  But I'm still happy that both are there. 
H: So I'm more like your Cartier and not the Hope Diamond. 
Me: Right.
H: I can live with that.

So, anyway where was I?  Oh yeah.  Food blog.  Aphrodisiacs.  Baseball.)  Women can appeal to a man's visual cortex and she'll often have her way.  Men need to get more creative.  Romance, wooing, a little more effort applied.  I think this is where aphrodisiacs come into play.  Chocolate covered strawberries, for instance, demonstrate a bit more effort than going out to Olive Garden.  One shows intimacy, specialness and consideration for your loved one.  The other says, "I don't want you to do the dishes, but I don't want to do them, either." 

So what foods are aphrodisiacs, then?  How about almost anything that is intended to be an aphrodisiac.  Phallic-looking asparagus?  Sure.  Sliced fruit?  You bet!  A ham sandwich?  Um, not if she's Kosher, but get ready, if you are charming Mama Cass.  Gravitate to food that sweetens your breath, that doesn't get stuck in your teeth, that can be eaten with your fingers and even better, fed to your paramour.  Unusual, out of the ordinary.  Think about the 9 1/2 Weeks refrigerator scene. Was it hot because Micky Rourke and Kim Bassinger were in various states of undress?  Or was it hot because it was outrageous and devil-may-care?  (OK, maybe a little of both.)

For the basics on aphrodisiacs, check out Gourmet Sleuth.  Lots of history and a few recipes. 

And for a light erotic dinner:

The TLC
Sparkling wine (chilled)
Rum (dark or spiced is good)
Cointreau
Passion Fruit Nectar (chilled)


In a pitcher or shaker, combine 1 part rum, 1 part Cointreau, 3 parts wine and 2 parts passion fruit nectar.  Stir twice to mix. 


Serve in a champagne flute garnished with a strawberry.  (First Base, here we come!)


Crab and Avocado Salad
1  large ripe Avocado
1 cup Lump Crab meat, cooked and cooled
1/2 cup diced Celery
Salt and Pepper
1 teaspoon fresh Taragon
2 tablespoons Olive Oil (use the good stuff here)
1 tablespoon Red Wine Vinegar
2 wedges of Lemon

In a glass bowl, mix the crab, celery, salt and pepper (to taste), tarragon, olive oil and vinegar.  Mix well, by hand.  Let stand, covered in the refigerator for an hour, stirring occasionally.

When ready to serve, slice the avocado in half length-wise and remove the pit (leave the skins on, however).  With a spoon, carve about a 1/4 inch more from around the pit hole, making more of a bowl.  Spoon in the crab salad, and serve with a wedge of lemon. 


Fresh Fruit Ideas
Mango
Berries of every kind
slices of Pear or Apple
slices of Peaches
Orange wedges
Champagne Grapes
Cherries

Think about dipping sauces, too.  Caramel, honey, whipped cream, clotted cream and chocolate are all extra tantalizing.


Use that big sexy brain of yours.  I bet you can come up with some great ideas of your own.  Swing for the fences and before you know it, you'll be rounding third and sliding into home.  (Nailed that metaphor!  Woohoo!)