Another Colorado Spring Break

Question: What do you do when you run out of milk but still want pancakes?  Milk is somewhat integral to the whole holding-a-pancake-together principle. 

Follow-up question: It's a warm spring morning and you want something to remind you of the high school Spring Break you never took took to Hawaii because your parents didn't have the money to go globe trotting, even though the cool kids would metaporically rub your nose in their glorious golden tans when everyone got back from the week off, and you secretly imagined rubbing coconut-scented suntanning lotion on Becky's back, but as soon as you thought these things you had to lock yourself in the bathroom stall and think about baseball until certain physical traits dissipated.  (OK, that's not a question.)

Answer:

Tropical Pancakes
1 cup All Purpose Flour
1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda
2 teaspoon Baking Powder
1/2 teaspoon Salt
2 tablespoons Sugar
3/4 cup Coconut, toasted to golden brown
1 Honey Mango, peeled and pitted
1 Banana
2 teaspoons fresh Ginger, grated
1/2 cup Orange Juice
1 Egg, beaten
2 tablespoons Vegetable Oil

In a large mixing bowl, combine the dry ingredients and whisk together until well combined.  In another bowl, mash the mango and banana together.  Add the ginger, OJ, egg and vegetable oil and mix until it's a homogeneous soup. 

Stirring with a silicone spatula, add the liquid ingredients to the dry.  Stir until combined. 

Heat a skillet (or two) to medium high on the stove top.  Spray with cooking spray.  When hot, add about 1/2 cup of the batter to the skillet.  Reduce the heat to medium.  Cook on that side until the bottom is evenly browned.  Flip over and cook until the other side is done and the center is cooked through. 

Repeat with the rest of the batter. 

Keep them warm in a 100 degree oven.  Serve with sliced fruit and syrup. 

I Have No Idea What to Call This One

This is the best name for this dish I could think of, so far. 

Hide the Sausage
1 boneless Pork Loin Roast (about 2 1/2 lbs)
4 Bratwurst Sausages
1 Onion, sliced
2 tablespoons Butter
1 bottle Cheap Beer (do NOT use a lite beer--you'll just embarrass yourself)
Salt and Pepper
2 more tablespoons Butter
2 tablespoons AP Flour
1 sheet Puff Pastry

Make the bratwurst, beer, butter and onions according to this recipe. 

Lay the loin fat-side down on a cutting mat.  Using a long knife, start a cut about an inch and a half from the top edge of the loin and continue cutting parallel to the cutting mat.  When you get about an inch and a half away from the edge of the loin, unfold that flap and turn the knife to slice toward the mat. When you get about an inch and a half from the next edge of the loin, continue to unfold and slice.  You ulimately want to unroll the entire loin into an inch and a half thick scroll.  Season with salt and pepper. 

In a large skillet, melt the remaining butter over medium high heat.  When completely melted, sprinkle in the flour and whisk.  Keep whisking/stirring until the roux starts to darken but before it turns a deep brown.  Remove the brats and onions from the beer bath and pour the golden liquid into the roux, whisking thouroughly and constantly.  When the sauce has thickened to a very thick gravy, remove from the heat.  Let it cool for 10 minutes. 

Spread about 1/2 of the gravy evenly in the center of the unrolled loin, stopping about one and a half inches from the edges. Lay the brats latterally 2x2 and end to end at what was the center-most part of the loin (the part that will be the center when you start re-rolling the loin).  Add the onions on top of the brats.

Roll the loin back up.  You can try tying it, but honestly, everything is going to goo out.  Instead, I wrapped the whole thing tightly in two layers of aluminum foil.  Place the package on the hot part of the grill.  Close the lid and cook for 10 minutes.  Turn the package over and cook the other side for about 8 minutes. 

The loin will now hold it's shape but the goo inside will come pouring out, so I unwrapped the top of the loin and left the bottom still sit in foil.  I moved the loin to the cool part of the grill, added cherry wood to the coals and then closed the lid to smoke for about 20 minutes. 

Bring the loin in and let it rest for 10 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. 

Roll the puff pastry out into a sheet large enough to wrap the loin.  Place the loin, smoke-side down on the center of the pastry and wrap it up, sealing the seam on the bottom.  Trim away the excess dough from the ends.  Flip the package over and lay it in the center of a parchment paper-lined cookie sheet.  Poke a lot of little holes in the top of the pastry to let the steam out and pop it into the oven. 

Cook for 15 minutes or until the crust is golden brown.  The interior temperature will read about 170 degrees.  Let rest for 10 minutes.  Slice and serve!

I know the name implied a post more hilarious.  Sorry to let you down. 

Penis. 

Does that make up for it?