Reflections and Diminishing Returns

I was on the radio this past Friday.  It's always funny to hear how I sound when I hear my voice played back to me.  I get very self-conscious.  I can hardly sit still.  So while I was listening to the broadcast, my mind started to wander and I got to thinking about how we (people) view ourselves.  What creature of even moderate intelligence isn't fascinated by its own reflection?  Humans, even more so.

I considered what has shaped my opinion of my self.  Every story that I have created of every event of my life, however important or trivial has lead to the person I am today.  Every choice I have ever made leads me to where I am now.  Mom and Dad, my brothers, my wife, every girlfriend I've ever had, peer pressure from friends and frenemies, every mistake and every success are filtered, magnified, diminished, remembered and manipulated by my mind to create this persona.  I'm amazed at my own success of who I am, because of and in spite of, my own mind.

Pretty heavy so far?  You're doing this, too.

So I guess what this really means is that I, and I'll include you in this, too, so I'll say "we," are still making choices today that will lead to choices we get to make tomorrow.  I pretty much like me, but there is one thing that has been looming over my head: my health and physique.  I want to trim down a little.  Therefore, I am endeavouring to make slightly better choices today: I'm going on a "diet."

This is me. 
This is what I look like.

I announced this to a few people and everyone has asked, "why?"  You all flatter me.  Remember in my last blog post how I said I want to be able to do pull-ups again?  A lighter me will help with that.  Also, I have clothes I like that I would wear if I could breathe while wearing them.  But mostly, I am convinced that WiiFit is making fun of me.  My on-screen avatar (my Mii) is shaped like a watermelon.  Curse you, Wii!  Who knew that the manufacturers of the WiiFit program can do what doctors could not--elicit change--just by making my cartoon body as wide as my cartoon head.  I want a cartoon head that is twice as big as my body!

How to create a successful diet, though?  I've written before on why diets fail, and came to the short conclusion that the foods we have grown accustomed to eating have programmed our bodies and minds to crave those foods.  Naturally, reprogramming my mind will overcome those cravings and I will be wildly successful.  HA!  If only it were so easy.

With the help of a friend, I found an iPhone app that allows me to track every bite I put into my fat yapper.  It calculates my goals and sets my daily calorie limits.  My limit is 1497 calories per day.  This means that I SHOULD lose 1.5 pounds per week and in 20 weeks (or near my birthday) I should be at my target weight.  (I'll let you do the math.  Yes.  I'm overweight. We wouldn't be having this conversation if I were already at my ideal weight.)  One week down and tracking what I am putting into my body and the calories I expend in exercise, I have gained 1 pound.  Cousin Boinker!!  (I'm also trying to swear less. I'm trying different not-quite-swear combinations that will let me think about what I'm saying and maybe laugh at myself instead of get angry.  It's still meeting with mixed success.)

I won't abandon this goal and program, however.  At least not yet.  I'll stay under my calorie count and will try to keep my activity level up.  I will keep you posted every now and then to let you know my progress.  Anyone who wants to join me can by going to MyFitnessPal.com or loading MyFitnessPal on their app-enabled device.  And, of course I will provide some good recipes to help us along this path.

For dinner tonight, try this low fat, low calorie dinner:

Poached Shrimp With Ginger and Bamboo Shoots
16 large Shrimp (22-26 count), in shell, headless and de-veined
1/2 teaspoon Red Curry Paste
1/4 cup dry White Wine
1/2 cup Water
1 Bay Leaf
8 Allspice Berries
10-12 whole Black Peppercorns
1 small Shallot, minced
1 large clove Garlic, minced
1 tablespoon fresh grated Ginger
pinch of Salt
2 tablespoons Rice Wine Vinegar
1 10oz can of sliced Bamboo Shoots, drained

In a 10" skillet, heat the curry paste, water and wine to a slow boil, stirring until the paste dissolves.  Add in the shrimp, bay leaf, allspice, peppercorns, shallot, garlic ginger and salt.  Stir once and cover.  Reduce the heat to a simmer and cook until the shrimp are pink.  (Flip the shrimp midway through to cook evenly.)

Remove the allspice and peppercorns (as best as you can).

Add the vinegar and bamboo shoots.  Return to a simmer. 
Serves 2; about 120 calories per person.

Honestly, This Isn't a Midlife Crisis

I wrote my "bucket list" when I was 15, but the movie hadn't been made yet, so I called it my "list of things to do before I die."  Some things I wanted at 15, I don't want anymore.  I don't want to be a famous actor in the movies: I really don't like people enough to appreciate all the fans I would have.  I also don't want my own island: No one needs their own island and although I don't like the crush of humanity every day, I would get lonely.  Some things on the list I probably won't ever accomplish because technology and my own motivation won't allow for it.  For example, I probably won't be walking on the moon.  And some of those joys on the list I accomplished quickly, some took a little longer, and some are still going to come true.  I eat fire.  I learned Spanish, French and Chinese languages (although I'm very rusty in speaking any of them now).  I am a chef--at least in my own way. 

I have realized recently, however, that I have many more things in my life to do.  Therefore, I have started a new list:

MY NEW LIST OF SOMEDAY AWESOME ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Travel is on the list.  I want to visit each continent, and except for Antarctica, I want to meet the local folk in the smaller towns.  I want to taste their cuisine and know the regional comfort foods.  (In Antarctica, I want to see the Emperor Penguin from a safe enough distance to not disturb Morgan Freeman.) 

I want to be able to do chin-ups again.  Without assistance.

I'm learning to pick locks.  Since I regularly lock myself out of things with locks, this should be immensely useful to me. 

I've become an ordained minister so I think it would be grand to perform a wedding ceremony.  And maybe a funeral.  Or an exorcism. 

I will have a secret identity and post Urban Exploration adventures under that alias. 

I will accept more dares, but only if there is a greater chance of the dare resulting in fun for me rather than tragedy.  Unless the tragedy also is likely to be fun, then it's Game On!

I will have my own television show.  (Crap.  Now I have to get prepared to have hoards of fans, again.)

If I ever give up being a financial advisor, I will be a butcher.  Or a bounty hunter.  (Picking locks and speaking foreign languages should come in handy.)  (Wait.  I meant, "Probably handier for bounty hunting."  I don't know if animals speak Spanish, French or Chinese.  And since most of them don't have opposable thumbs, I don't think they are negotiating keys too well.)

I want a pencil thin moustache.

I still want to go to outer space.  Richard Branson should be able to help me out. 

And I think I need to be less bashful when it comes to trying new foods.  I really need to get out of my rut.

With that in mind,  here's a fun little recipe.

Poached Baby Octopus for Dessert
1 1/2 cups Port
1/4 cup Sugar
12 Baby Octopus (5" tentacle diameter)
Sugar and Cinnamon mixture (2:1 ratio Sugar to Cinnamon, shaken together in a jar)

If they aren't already, have your local fish monger clean the octopus and remove the beaks.  Rinse them thoroughly.  Heat a large pot of water (6 quarts) to boiling.  Add the octopus and let simmer for 10 minutes.  Drain and put the octopus into an ice water bath to stop them from cooking.  

When the octopus have chilled, rub them gently under running water to remove the outer skins.  Don't worry if you can't get all the skin off--just get most of it. 
In an electric skillet (so much easier to control the temperature), heat the port and sugar until it boils and the sugar dissolves.  Reduce to a simmer and add the octopus.  Cover and simmer on the lowest setting for 2-3 hours, turning them over every now and then to cover all sides evenly.  Yes, they turn slightly rubbery, but that is what octopus is made of: God's old inner tubes.  And yes, the port turns the octopus purple, but that's a natural color for them.  The flavor changes to something wonderful, however.  Magical, even. 

When you are getting close to eating, remove them from the port and let drain.  Place them in a large bowl and sprinkle the octopus with cinnamon and sugar, tossing to coat them evenly.   Serve with fresh sliced strawberries and a scoop of French vanilla ice cream.