Boys and Grills

This is Father's Day weekend.  I hope you all called your Dads and and expressed your hearts' true feelings. 

And I know as I write that, not everyone has had such an idyllic life as I have.  I can say such compassionate things only because my Dad and I are close--friends, even.  But regardless of your relationship with your Dad, there is someone out there close to you who represents your ideal of fatherhood.  Go with that for the rest of the day and tell those people what they mean to you.

This is my blog and my Dad, however, so allow me to regale you with my experiences and impressions of my mind.  Whereas my Mom is regarded by the greatness (quantity and quality) of her food in the kitchen, my Dad is known for his grill work.  Like the cliched greeting cards you will find at the supermarket, he has prepared the meat of nearly every kind of animal--fish or fowl, beef, buffalo or game.  Steaks, fillets, roasts, whole, spit, or racked.  Even oysters in the shell (see below). 

So I was thinking, as an homage to my Dad, a man I love and admire, how can I pass on his grilling acumen?  Here's some of what I have picked up over the years:

1) Know your fire.  Every grill has hot and cold spots.  Use these.  My Dad switched years ago to a gas grill, built into the back patio.  I use charcoal.  Dad's grill has spots that stay 10-20 degrees cooler than other parts; I have to stack coals to one side or another to create a cold zone.  The hot parts of the grill are good for searing meat but bad for sustained cooking.  The cooler parts will be good to slowly raise the temperature of the food. 

2) Take the food's temperature.  Undercooked is generally better for flavor and texture than overcooked.  The best way is an instant-read thermometer on a long probe.  (Although my Dad would always operate by instinct, then cut into the center of the steak seconds before declaring it done.)  Remember, most foods will continue to cook for 5-10 minutes after removing it from heat. 

3) Know when to poke your meat.  The best time to put holes into your meat (if you must) is BEFORE it goes on the grill, and is usually only to let in certain flavors.  For example, little slices of garlic and sprigs of rosemary stuffed into tiny holes all around a leg of lamb offers a deep infusion of flavor.  For thick steaks, you may use a fork to poke holes before adding a marinade. 

4) Leave your meat alone.  Give it time to rest.  Most meat benefits by sitting on a slightly heated plate and covered with tinfoil for 10 minutes after taking it off of the grill.  This allows the juices to return to the muscle structure.  Cut into the meat when the temperature is too high, the juices have too much kinetic energy to be bound by the heated cell walls of the meat.  (Yes, I'm using physics and biology!  Isn't science cool?)

5) Know your marinades, rubs and sauces.  Marinades add flavor and if they use salt, sugar or oil, also aid in the browning of the grilled offering.  Rubs provide a good surface flavoring, and can caramelize on the surface adding a crispiness (especially good for some fish!)  Sauces are served afterward and compliment cooked food.  One can make a sauce from the marinade but reserve the liquid before touching it to raw meat.  This avoids cross-contamination.

6) Apologize for it being under/over done before anyone has any on their plates.  Set the audience's expectations low and dazzle them anyway.  Under promise and over deliver. 

To Dads everywhere: Thank you for all the wisdom you have imparted.  Thank you for (trying to) teach us the little lessons that we should know before life kicks sand in our face.  Thank you for inspiring us to reach higher, think better and do gooder (yes, I like saying that) than we would ever have imagined for ourselves.  We love you. 

Tonight for dinner, try:

Grilled Oysters
2-3 live Oysters per person (I prefer large Pacific species)
Hot Sauce
Lemon wedges

Line the oysters (live, in the shell) on a hot grill.  Watch them closely.  After about 2 minutes, the shells will open.  Remove from the heat, being careful not to spill the liquid from the shells. 

Let the guests open their own oysters (fingers are fine--no need for an oyster shucking knife.)  Add a dash of hot sauce and a squirt of lemon, then shoot the oyster, liquid and all.  This is the most flavorful way of eating these guys!

Sugar Steak
1 12 oz Ribeye Steak per person (1 1/2 inch cut)
Soy Sauce
ground Black Pepper
1/2 cup packed Brown Sugar
1/2 teaspoon Kosher Salt
1 tablespoon Red Chili Powder
1/4 teaspoon Cumin Powder


Lay the steaks out flat.  Sprinkle on enough soy sauce to coat each side of all of the steaks.  Add a light dusting of black pepper (to taste).  Cover and let them come to room temperature.


In a bowl, mix the sugar, salt, chili and cumin powder.


Make a two tiered fire in your grill, or for gas, get one side very hot and the other warm.  When the grill is hot, pack the sugar rub evenly onto each side of the steak.  Place on the hot part of the grill, at least 1 inch between steaks and leave the lid up.  Leave it alone for 3 minutes and then flip over.  Cook that side for 2 minutes more, then move to the cooler part of the grill.  Cover the grill and let cook until rare or medium rare (120-125 degrees.  Remember the steak will continue to cook for 5 minutes when you take it off the heat.)

Remove from the grill and cover for 10 minutes. 

Grilled Asparagus with Balsamic Vinegar Reduction
1 bunch of Asparagus
Olive Oil
Salt and Pepper
1/2 cup Balsamic Vinegar (the good stuff--aged)
2 tablespoons Sugar

Cut the white, woody ends off the asparagus spears and discard.  Rinse them well and lay out on a paper towel.  Pat them dry. 

In a saucepan, heat the vinegar until until simmering.  Continue to simmer and add the sugar, stirring until dissolved.  Continue to heat slowly, stirring occasionally until the volume has been reduced by 1/2. 

Place asparagus in a bowl or baking dish.  Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with salt.  Toss to cover each spear and place the spears directly on the hot part of the grill.  Cook for about 2-3 minutes.  Turn them over.  Some charring will occur, but you don't want them too blackened.  Cook for another minute of two then return to the baking dish. 

Sprinkle with pepper, to taste and drizzle with the vinegar deduction. 

Paradise by the Kitchen-Stove Light

First, I have to apologize to all of my sensitive readers.  Today's topic is very adult.  I should probably apologize to all of my other readers, too, because it's probably not very well written. But if you're still reading, I will try to make up for it.  I promise. 

Many foodies have written about aphrodisiacs and they all talk about the same things: what are the various aphrodisiacs, whether aphrodisiacs really work and sometimes (rarely), how to prepare aphrodisiacs. I may bump into a couple of these topics, but it'll probably be more on accident.  Today, I want to bring sexy back to food.  Think of me as Emeril Lagasse's and Dr. Ruth Westheimer's brain child.  Or love child: noisy and a little uncomfortable to watch.

Lets get it out there: the biggest sex organ is the brain.  Boys and girls, if you can't stimulate this, you're not going to have much hope with second or third bases, let alone a home run.  (Mixing metaphors here.  Let's see how it goes.)  Women admittedly have it easier than men.  (Good example: H and I were driving home last night and drove by a topless sports bar.  The natural conversation ensued:

H: What's so great about boobs?  If you had the same sports bar without boobs, would it be as good?
Me: Boobs make it better. 
H: Why? 
Me: Because boobs make it better.  If I had Buffalo wings and could see boobs, or I could have Buffalo wings and not have boobs flouncing by, I would definitely choose with boobs.
H: Do you ever get over saturated with seeing boobs?  
Me: Sometimes, but then I'd still have the sports to keep me entertained.
H: I think if I had a shopping mall with penis or a mall without, I'd be indifferent, at best. In fact, I'd probably choose the one without.
Me: That's because boobs aren't the same as penis. They aren't even on the same continuum.  What else do you enjoy looking at? 
H: Shoes.  But I want to buy the shoes and take them home.  Is that how you feel about the boobs?
Me: Not exactly.
H: Diamonds then.
Me:  Maybe.  Closer. 
H: It'd be like me shopping at Cartier. 
Me: Yes.  Exactly like that. 
H: But I want to bring Cartier home with me, too.
Me: Then it's almost nothing like Cartier.  *pause, thinking* They are more like the Hope Diamond. 
H: How so?
Me: The boobs are very pretty to look at, but you can't touch.  And frankly, I wouldn't want all the drama that comes with fancy boobs or the Hope Diamond.  But I'm still happy that both are there. 
H: So I'm more like your Cartier and not the Hope Diamond. 
Me: Right.
H: I can live with that.

So, anyway where was I?  Oh yeah.  Food blog.  Aphrodisiacs.  Baseball.)  Women can appeal to a man's visual cortex and she'll often have her way.  Men need to get more creative.  Romance, wooing, a little more effort applied.  I think this is where aphrodisiacs come into play.  Chocolate covered strawberries, for instance, demonstrate a bit more effort than going out to Olive Garden.  One shows intimacy, specialness and consideration for your loved one.  The other says, "I don't want you to do the dishes, but I don't want to do them, either." 

So what foods are aphrodisiacs, then?  How about almost anything that is intended to be an aphrodisiac.  Phallic-looking asparagus?  Sure.  Sliced fruit?  You bet!  A ham sandwich?  Um, not if she's Kosher, but get ready, if you are charming Mama Cass.  Gravitate to food that sweetens your breath, that doesn't get stuck in your teeth, that can be eaten with your fingers and even better, fed to your paramour.  Unusual, out of the ordinary.  Think about the 9 1/2 Weeks refrigerator scene. Was it hot because Micky Rourke and Kim Bassinger were in various states of undress?  Or was it hot because it was outrageous and devil-may-care?  (OK, maybe a little of both.)

For the basics on aphrodisiacs, check out Gourmet Sleuth.  Lots of history and a few recipes. 

And for a light erotic dinner:

The TLC
Sparkling wine (chilled)
Rum (dark or spiced is good)
Cointreau
Passion Fruit Nectar (chilled)


In a pitcher or shaker, combine 1 part rum, 1 part Cointreau, 3 parts wine and 2 parts passion fruit nectar.  Stir twice to mix. 


Serve in a champagne flute garnished with a strawberry.  (First Base, here we come!)


Crab and Avocado Salad
1  large ripe Avocado
1 cup Lump Crab meat, cooked and cooled
1/2 cup diced Celery
Salt and Pepper
1 teaspoon fresh Taragon
2 tablespoons Olive Oil (use the good stuff here)
1 tablespoon Red Wine Vinegar
2 wedges of Lemon

In a glass bowl, mix the crab, celery, salt and pepper (to taste), tarragon, olive oil and vinegar.  Mix well, by hand.  Let stand, covered in the refigerator for an hour, stirring occasionally.

When ready to serve, slice the avocado in half length-wise and remove the pit (leave the skins on, however).  With a spoon, carve about a 1/4 inch more from around the pit hole, making more of a bowl.  Spoon in the crab salad, and serve with a wedge of lemon. 


Fresh Fruit Ideas
Mango
Berries of every kind
slices of Pear or Apple
slices of Peaches
Orange wedges
Champagne Grapes
Cherries

Think about dipping sauces, too.  Caramel, honey, whipped cream, clotted cream and chocolate are all extra tantalizing.


Use that big sexy brain of yours.  I bet you can come up with some great ideas of your own.  Swing for the fences and before you know it, you'll be rounding third and sliding into home.  (Nailed that metaphor!  Woohoo!)

Cooking for One

My beautiful and perfect wife is out of town with her mom and sister, and I'm home alone.  A time for quietude, watching sports, playing video games and puttering.  And I'm also by myself for tonight's dinner.  Yes, sometimes that happens for every one.  So what do you cook when you're cooking for one?

First of all, this is a chance to eat all those things that your significant other doesn't want to eat or won't let you eat.  Spam is at the top of my list.  (A nice fried Spam and egg sandwich with a little cheddar cheese melted on it---MMMMMM!)  H hates Spam.  I also like sardines and other canned fish, and since our bugs outing, bamboo caterpillars.  H is not especially fond of any of these.

I also eat a lot of the leftovers from the refrigerator.  Tuna casserole and day-old pizza.  I also make popcorn and eat some fruit.  I confess, left to my own devices for a day or two, I don't eat a lot of vegetables. 

But if I'm really cooking for one, what should I be making?  Does it have to be significantly different from cooking for two or more?  Short answer "no."  And "yes." 

Cook as you're used to cooking.  If you make too much, enjoy the leftovers. But try new things.  If you fail miserably, you don't have to share your embarrassment with anyone else.  This is a time for invention! 

Tonight's invention:

Banana Quesadillas
1 Banana
sliced or shredded Cheddar Cheese
2 Corn Tortillas
Butter
Chili Powder

Butter one side of both tortillas.  Place one tortilla in a medium hot skillet, butter side down.  Slice  banana onto the tortilla and layer cheese on top.  Sprinkle chili powder on top, to taste. Cover with the other tortilla, butter-side out. 

Heat until the cheese is melty and the bottom tortilla is golden brown.  Flip.  Heat until that tortilla is brown, too. 

Goes great with black beans, shredded lettuce, tomatoes and a dollop sour cream. 

Apocalypse Eventually

What will you do when the Four Horsemen ride up outside your front door and greet you with the ol' tip of the hat?  Don't think the end isn't coming.  It is.  So make plans. 

My brother and his wife had just finished watching a zombie movie with my wife and I.  Without a trace of sarcasm, irony or satire, my beautiful and charming sister-in-law deadpanned, "So what will we do when the zombies come?"  Wow.  That floored me.  I'd never looked at that question in quite that way before.  Let's examine the philosophical impact of the syntax.  Not "What if . . . ?" but "WHEN!"  This begs a follow-up question: "When the hell ARE they coming?"  Followed quickly by a third, "Is there a frosty adult beverage in the refrigerator?  I could use something to calm my nerves."

So the four of us planned it out.  (You should visit ZombieTools for more ideas.)  We eliminated the obvious scenarios that always lead to trouble in the movies.  Can't stay at home.  Zombies won't care about an alarm system on the door, so we clearly lack the necessary anti-zombie security.  And we can't/won't drive through Denver.  Traffic on I-25 through The Mile High City is bad during a light rain.  I can only imagine the troubles when the walking undead are cleaning overturned vehicles of the owner's brains.  Nope.  We're going to take the back roads to the mountains then south.  South to Canon City.  To some very basic prisons.  Now I know what you're thinking, George Romero's characters very successfully fended off a lasting attack in Dawn of the Dead by hanging out in a shopping mall.  There's one big problem anymore:  How long can you survive on Orange Julius, Cinnabon, and Godiva chocolates?  I think a prison has a number of distinct advantages: food supply, arable land, weaponry, a strong defensible position and snitches to toss to the zombies when we need a distraction.  (Too dark?  A little grim?  Not family reading material?  Well, this is real life, baby!  A zombie catastrophe doesn't care about your feelings.)

Eventually, the zombies will exhaust their own food supply and waste away.  Then we can come out of our fortresses to repopulate the earth.  With criminals.  It will be just like Australia, but without the adorable accent.

In my world, every good end-of-humanity doomsday scenario has an associated cuisine.  For zombies, naturally sweetbreads, brains and organ meats.  2012 should be traditional Mayan.  Global warming, volcanoes, and asteroids?  En flambe and fondue, of course.  Nuclear Holocaust?  There's a lot you can cook in a microwave! 

Remember the movie Alive?  I have a pact like that.  (No, not just the "you're allowed to eat my body if I'm not using it anymore" thing, because I've already made that compact with my wife, or in the event of her passing before me, anyone else.  I mean this from the bottom of my heart: "Eat me.")  I will be the one to slice and dry jerky from your butt and hike over the mountian to find help.  I'm no soccer player, but I do hunt and hiking mountains is a skill I have. 

And if the zombies invade the mountains, too?  Well... 

I wonder how zombies taste?

Tonight for dinner:

Non-Zombie Chicken in Coconut Milk and Lemongrass
3 tablespoons Olive Oil
1 Chicken Breast per person (boneless and skinless is good)
a pinch of  Kosher Salt per chicken breast per side
2 cloves of Garlic, minced
half of 1 medium Onion, chopped fine
1 medium-sized node of Ginger, sliced thin
1 tablespoon Red Chili powder (more or less to taste)
1/8 teaspoon Cayenne Pepper powder
1 teaspoon Cinnamon powder
1/2 teaspoon Tumeric powder
4 stalks of Lemongrass (bottom 6 inches, only, lightly beaten to begin to separate the fibers)
1 can of Coconut Milk


Heat the oil in a large skillet.  Salt and saute the chicken until lightly browned on both sides.  Remove chicken from the pan and reduce heat to medium.  Add the garlic, onion and ginger and lightly saute.  Reduce the heat to low (simmer).  Add the spices and stir quickly. 

Return the chicken to the skillet and add the coconut milk.  Simmer for 1/2 hour. 

Serve with long grain rice.